Today’s Assignment: publish a post for your dream reader…cue soundtrack *clicks play and grabs a box of tissues*
So they said that this doesn’t need to be the greatest blog post of 2014, any topic at all? To be completely honest with you I have to have a topic or thing in mind before I start to blog and all day (yes really) I have been thinking about this. One of things I thought of was a blog post to baby b (I miscarried in 2010 for the second time and it was the closest I had gotten to having a baby, I was 12 weeks). Although I did have some doubts because I wasn’t sure what I would put, and not only that do people really want to read about my personal life?
So there I was this evening trying to think of a different topic, all the signs have been there this afternoon to push me towards this. Firstly I conversation with a colleague about my birthday last year when I miscarried (admittedly I mentioned it and it had already been on my mind like I knew it would be), then I was watching Eastenders (admittedly I wasn’t watching it properly I was doing something else, just pointing out that I don’t normally watch soaps) but when one of the characters said she’d had a miscarriage I froze what I was doing. It was as if someone had reminded me what I should be thinking about. The final straw was when I was watching Friends earlier and it was the episode when Chandler and Monica were having fertility tests, as soon as I realized it was that episode (I’m a bit of a Friends fanatic) again I stopped what I was doing and almost spilt my dinner in my lap.
Here goes, I know normally I do this in my head but today I’m putting purple ink to paper!
‘So Baby B, here I am *blows kiss* I hope you’re enjoying yourself up there and great granddad is looking after you, send him my love and tell him we all miss him dearly. We both miss you so much B, daddy went and had his hair done the other day and the hairdressers little girl there ran up to him and hugged him. I knew what he was thinking, but he would never say it loud, you know what he’s like not showing his feelings! *tuts and raises eyes*
‘I’ve been working hard to loose my weight as I promised I would, it’s hard with my health issues but I’ve managed to bag myself on a course at the gym were I get 10 whole weeks with a trainer and nutritionist to myself so keep everything crossed. Grandma and granddad are on holiday (yes, again I hear you cry) and they have a new dog called Millie who is soooo high maintenance and not very disobedient BUT loves to be made fuss of, so daddy likes to spoil her……another westie just like Jane.
‘I was just working out from my due date that you would be nearly 4 years old, I’m sorry but that will always be in my mind and I can hear you whispering that I must move on but it’s going to take a while my sweet. You know, you may have shared your birthday with Granddad W because his was the 14th?! I would be making you clothes, because now I’m doing more and more sewing (yes, just like grandma) and your Granddad B would be pushing you around in his new wheel barrow that we got for him for his birthday and Granny B would be making you mini cakes in her kitchen (oh my does she love to bake!)
‘Your three older cousins would have made a right fuss of you a couple of weeks ago because they were all here in the house, Laurel came up a few weeks ago and stayed in what would have been your bedroom. Joel is so tall he can almost reach the ceiling in the living room (he’s going in to his third year at university already!) and Molly has just started her first full time job working with children (I always knew that would happen, she’s so good with children). Uncle Matthew’s feet would be almost the same size as you, so you would be able to sit on them as he walks along and you could hold his leg and pretend it’s a swing! You would love all the fishies in the fish tank B, there must be nearly 100 in there they’re all different sizes, shapes and colours. I still keep that teddy, it’s in a safe place so that I can get to it whenever I have fond memories of you making me feel sick almost every day for two whole weeks!! *winks*
‘As you know it’s my birthday on Monday and daddy has bought me something from Tiffany’s, it’s a ring, which will match the necklace that he bought me back then (you remember). I could never wear any other necklace now, it means so much to me and makes me realise how much I love your daddy and how thoughtful he is. But he will never make me forget that I went all the way to New York to see New Kids on the Block. You would’ve liked their music, we would’ve spent ages dancing in the living room to them and you would have got sick of me singing all their tracks! I know daddy smiles in fondness when I do but is also embarrassed, but he likes watching Blue Bloods, although he is watching it because it’s a cop American series whereas I….well you know full well why I watch it!
‘I am always thinking of you B, and I will also (as I keep promising) focus on the future because one day your younger brother or sister will be here to be loved.
‘Big hugs and snotty kisses baby B.
love mummy xxxxxx’ (I will not cry I will not cry I will not cry)
*blows one last kiss for luck*