I struggle to sleep at night wondering what William is doing, how he is feeling and if he’s happy. I can hear everyone saying I’m sure he’s fine, but that’s no enough for me, that’s why I’ve been phoning the Unit every morning even though I’m in there every day. The nurses must think I’m a drama queen either that or hormonal, yes I’m definitely hormonal. Every little thing is making me cry, whether it be DIY SOS or when I put the spoon in the bin (yes I did actually do that).
I’m waking every night in the middle of the night and going down stairs and drinking umpteen cups of tea, I’m just like my mum, she does that when she can’t sleep tea settles her which is ironic because caffeine is supposed to make you more alert.
I’m watching re-runs of friends or reading to make myself feel better, I’m telling everyone that I’m making the most of having time to myself before William comes home but I’m secretly scarred of what it’ll be like and to stop myself worrying about it I’m keeping busy.
I clean ALOT, and I really mean that. From the minute Mike leaves for work in the morning till when I leave to go to the hospital I’m hoovering every room, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, dusting and cleaning windows. If I’m not doing that I’m washing and ironing clothes, I can imagine I won’t have time to do anything like that when he comes home.
I cannot imagine what it’s going to be like when he comes home, Mike has managed to get his paternity leave changed so he gets 2 weeks off when William is discharged which is great so that we can spend 2 weeks as a family and get a routine in place.
I am emailing the email address I set up for William letting him know updates of what is going on with him, with home and what we’ve been doing and buying for him. His wardrobe has more clothes in it that mine does (ok that’s a bit far fetched) but his pushchair and car seat is sat in the spare bedroom downstairs waiting for his imminent arrival!
I feel like I’m ready, but sometimes I don’t. It’s going to be the next chapter, finally my life as a mother and wife.